HOW WOULD YOU KNOW YOU'RE AT A FILIPINO PARTY?

You're an hour late and there's still nobody there!

There’s enough food to feed the Philippines .

You can't even get through the door because there's a pile of 50 shoes blocking the way.

You see a huge fork and spoon on the wall, a framed picture of the Last Supper, a huge Santo Nino, and a barrel man.

They're singing "Peelings" on karaoke.

There's a piano in the living room for decoration.

You are greeted by a Tita Baby and/or a Tito Boy.

The older men are in the garage playing posoy-dos, or poker or 31, the women are in the kitchen gossiping, or are playing mahjong,the other people are in the entertainment room singing karaoke, and the kids are outside the streets running around unsupervised.

There's goat 'pulutan' beeing cooked.

There's a crazy woman with a camera going around the room snapping away and yelling, "Uy, peeeek-chuuur!"

You enter a family party and you "Mano" to half the old crowd and when you leave you have to say goodbye to EVERYONE that's related to you as a sign of respect. You end up saying hello and goodbye for a total of 30-40 minutes.

You know you're at a Filipino party when you hear a male's voice on the karaoke trying to emulate Frank Sinatra's "My Way".

Women are still doing the line dance to "todo todo "..

When there's at least one or more with the name : JP,JJ, JT,TJ,DJ,AJ, RJ,LJ, Lingling, Bingbing, Tingting, Dingding, Wengweng, Bongbong, Dongdong etc.

All the old aunties and guests are already wrapping up food to take home.

You have the Pacquiao fight on the illegal cable boxes on the 70" LCD in the movie room,
The 10 yr old 50" CRT in the living room,
The 15 yr old 30" tube in the breakfast nook,
The 20 yr old 15" tube in the kitchen,
The 30 yr old 13" tube in the garage
And the Little portable by the BBQ grill,
Because TVs are NEVER retired in a Filipino household, they merely get demoted to whichever room doesn't have a TV yet(hahaha),then it ends up in the balikbayan box to be sent to a relative back home, and it ends up being the main TV at the house again.

The aunties & guests are showing off their "designer" Louis Vuitton and Coach bags that they secretly bought at a swap-meet.

Someone is always in the kitchen constantly cleaning up, and you're not sure if she's the maid or a relative, so you greet and kiss them on the cheek anyway.

Relatives/friends will ask you where you work and if it's a retail job or if you work at an amusement park, they'll ask if you can get them a discount.

The lumpia is gone in 5 minutes and they are frying up another batch.

They play achy-breaky heart over and over again.

I like how the religious gatherings at the house turn into an illegal gambling set up by the end of the night !!


* got this email from my uncle and it gave me smile so i just thought of sharing this with you guys.

Why I fired My Secretary

another story to make you smile...

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

I thought...

Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss, and by the way
Happy Birthday ! ' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me.' I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go !'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind ?' She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, ' Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.' 'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.


And I just sat there...







On the couch...







Naked.

Little Johnny's at it again.

A new teacher was trying to make use of herPsychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone whothinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnnystood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?''No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all byyourself!'

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LittleJohnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on herface. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,'said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'

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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the CartoonNetwork!'

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LittleJohnny'skindergartenclass was on a field trip to their local police station where they sawpictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals Oneof the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was thephoto of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'Thedetectives want very badly to capture him.' Little Johnny asked,'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?'

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LittleJohnny attended a horse auction withhisfather. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running hishands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a fewminutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His fatherreplied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, lookingworried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.'

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Ifthis brightened your day, don't let it stop here. Pass it on with asmile. Keep spreadi ng the cheer! Pass on to your friends! They likeJohnny too ya know.